What confidence looks like

Having worked as a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist for more than a decade, confidence is one of the top things clients have sought me out for. And it’s natural in whatever we do in life, we want to feel confident.

• We want to trust ourselves.
• We want to believe in ourselves.
• We want to feel self-assured.
• We want to face any situation knowing we can handle it.

When I’m delivering training in employee wellbeing webinars, I’ll often ask employees: “What lets you know that you feel confident?”

The answers are almost always the same:

• I feel calm.

• I feel safe in my body.

• I feel relaxed.

• My mind’s quiet.

• I feel grounded.

• I feel present.

• I feel in control.

• I feel self-assured.

When they reflect on those situations where they felt confident, they realise they weren’t trying to feel confident. They were just naturally calm, present, and grounded.

Why confidence is important

Some people will say, “Yes, but it’s because I knew what I was doing,” and that’s where confidence can come with competence.

A simple example: learning to drive.
At the beginning, it’s very much mirror, signal, manoeuvre. You’re aware of every move. Now, you can probably get in your car, drive to your destination, and barely think about it — your body knows exactly what to do.

That’s confidence in action, not overthinking, not second-guessing, just doing.

In a work context, confidence allows employees to perform at their best in everything from client pitches to team leadership. For organisations, a confident workforce means stronger communication, better decision-making, and higher performance.

Can confidence be learnt?

This is where I surprise people.

What I teach clients and employees is that confidence is simply the absence of insecure thinking.

Most people are chasing confidence, trying to build it, or believing they need something in order to feel it. But when you take away insecure thoughts, what’s left is your natural state: calm, grounded, connected.

The challenge is that most people don’t realise this, so they keep looking outside themselves for confidence, instead of seeing it’s already there.

How confidence works

Everything you experience, moment to moment to moment, comes from thought.

Your experience isn’t coming from the situation; it’s coming from the meaning you’re giving it. That’s why two people can be in the exact same situation and have completely different levels of confidence.

For example, I’ve had plenty of people come to me because they’re starting a new job and feel out of their depth. They think the lack of confidence comes from not knowing everything yet. In reality, it comes from thoughts like:

• “I can’t cope.”

• “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

• “People are judging me.”

• “I feel lost.”

Once you see that your confidence is 100% thought-generated, without exception, you can stop being a victim of circumstance. You start to understand that you can change your experience in the moment by changing your relationship to your thoughts.

How confidence is built

Confidence isn’t “built” in the way most people think. It’s revealed by coming back to your natural state of being.

That’s why in our wellbeing webinars and on our Employee Wellbeing Platform, we teach employees simple ways to reconnect with that state — such as EFT tapping or breathwork.

These tools help employees:

• Calm their nervous system

• Shift out of anxious or hyper-vigilant states

• Let go of habitual, automatic thought patterns

• Return to a grounded, present, and self-assured state

As employees build self-awareness around how their experience is created, their level of consciousness rises. And from there, confidence is a natural by-product.

This understanding is powerful for organisations. Many focus on leadership behaviour or high performance, but without understanding the human psyche, people stay stuck operating from the unconscious mind, chasing confidence instead of living it.

One of my favourite examples is Fran, an employee who used our Employee Wellbeing Platform to shed her old identity of imposter syndrome. The result? She was promoted twice in her sales role, made more sales (and commission) than ever, and when she moved to a new organisation, she secured a £20,000 salary increase.

That’s what happens when someone stops chasing confidence and starts operating from it.

What causes lack of confidence

Lack of confidence comes from insecure thinking and the meaning you give your thoughts.

It’s not the situation — it’s your inner dialogue about it. The more you focus on thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m going to mess this up,” the more your energy and physiology follow that lead.

Where you place your focus of attention is where your energy goes. Focus on what could go wrong, and you’ll feel contracted, nervous, or on edge. Focus on being present and grounded, and confidence naturally returns.

When employees learn to see insecure thoughts for what they are,  just thoughts, not facts,  the “lack of confidence” label falls away.

Ready to Activate The Confidence in your Employees?

If you would love to equip your employees with the powerful resource of EFT tapping to help them manage their thoughts, transform their feelings, regulate their nervous system, and lower stress, contact us today to explore our Employee Wellbeing Platform, packed full of EFT tapping videos and tools to support confidence, wellbeing, and performance.